Still hormonal but even more in love: My postpartum experience (PART TWO)
If you’ve discovered this blog post without reading part one (UNPREPARED, HORMONAL, AND IN LOVE: MY POSTPARTUM EXPERIENCE), I strongly suggest you go back and start there. I discuss Cameryn’s birth and the specific supplements that have positively contributed to my prenatal and postpartum health. Now, here are the four other pieces that have helped me through the postpartum puzzle:
The right support
The mamas who reached out to me in the days after I brought my daughter home really saved me. I felt like they carried me by sharing their stories and sending me so much love. Especially during a time when we aren’t able to have in-person support, it’s been phone calls, FaceTimes, Instagram messages and texts that have been our greatest sources of comfort. On the other hand, it continues to amaze me what some people will say. Proclamations like: “this precious time won’t last long!” Or “your days of having alone time are over!” really robbed some joy from my experiences. And don’t get me started on “you kno-ooww she shouldn’t get used to you rocking her! You should put her do-own!” (Why do they always say this in a singsong-y voice?!) So I’ve learned who is safe to talk to about our struggles and who is not. When most people ask about our daughter, I say “she’s happy and healthy” and leave it at that. When that response isn’t enough, I smile and tell them I’m not looking for feedback. It was uncomfortable at first, but now I take pride in holding this boundary to protect my joy.
Whether I am snuggling my baby in bed or dressing the same as her, I want to be positive. I want to celebrate the present moment. Warning people that the small joys in their life won’t last long is unkind, yet somehow it’s been normalized in how we speak to new parents. I’ve even been guilty of this in the past, but I’ve learned through experience and open dialogue to do better. So mamas, let me say this again: if someone is giving you unsolicited advice or judgements, it’s ok to tell them you aren’t looking for feedback;even if well-meaning—just say you are all healthy, rested, and happy. And leave it at that.
2. Shopping
It’s a running joke in mom-meme-culture that mothers will shop while feeding their babies or during nap times. Amazon packages pile up at the door or, if you’re anything like me, you’re single-handedly keeping Jax & Lennon in business. I was selling items on Facebook marketplace (a great place to buy second hand as well) so I could buy more new things! But the truth is, we mamas come by this honestly.
During pregnancy and postpartum, our levels of the hormone prolactin are very high. For prolactin to reach peak levels, our dopamine must dip as the two hormones compete. And if you’re taking medication to produce more milk, it actually blocks dopamine to enable you to produce more prolactin. And guess what happens when we are low on dopamine, our reward-and-pleasure-seeking neurotransmitter? We usually shop, drink too much coffee, and eat fattier foods like chips, nuts and cheeses. We feel less joy and seek out greater hits of happiness or pleasure. Sound familiar?
I decided that I would only do these things for a short period of time. I was going to shop within some reason, have my precious morning cup or two of coffee, and grab a handful of almonds or nuts almost every time I’m in the kitchen. Will I have to address dopamine later, once my need for prolactin isn’t so high? Sure. But for now, I shop.
3. Walking
As often as I can, I get outside and walk for an hour. In a time when help is limited due to safety reasons (F U COVID!), walking has become my "me time." I can daydream, completely disconnect, or listen to a podcast with one airpod (I'm currently obsessed with Smartless. It brings me so much joy; I look like a crazy person for laughing by myself, but I don't care.) Nature and exercise both help regulate our stress response and boost neurotransmitters. Also, fresh air can support better sleep for both mama and babe, evidenced in part by the fact that Cameryn snoozes for the entire time.
4. Food
I do my best when it comes to food. Every Sunday I cut up a huge container of carrots, celery, broccoli and cucumber. I have almonds, turkey pepperoni sticks, and salad stuff ready for quick access. Food prep is paramount! I’ve even purchased meal prep delivery during weeks we were really in the weeds (like during a growth leap). I try to eat healthy most of the time and find it helps when I imagine the food fueling both myself and my daughter. Once a week, we order take out, have a happy hour, and I stuff my face with chips and junk food. Like I said, I do my best.
When I reflect back at my fertility, pregnancy and postpartum journey, I am truly amazed at what I’ve learned. Why did I struggle for so long to get pregnant? Why was my pregnancy so structurally challenged? And why did we experience so many of the things that can go wrong during the 8 weeks postpartum? I believe it’s a calling, and that I was faced with these things to learn, so I could help and support other mamas out there.
I now offer both prenatal and postnatal consultations. Genetics is always a conversation, but based on timing we do what is best for you in the present moment. I can help guide women through their pre pregnancy plans, during pregnancy, and afterwards. And because I know how challenging it can be to make nutritious meals when we are in survival mode, I have created Menus for Mamas, a Facebook group that shares free meal plans. I also offer and accept support through my local Mamas for Mamas Facebook group, where the currency is kindness. If you are a parent who is struggling with your health or finances or lacking support, I recommend reaching out to your local Mamas for Mamas chapter on Facebook or through their website. Whether you are a mother in need or a parent who wants to support, it’s a wonderful group to look to.
Please get in touch for a free 15 minute consultation, where we can discuss how I can support you and decide if we are a good fit. If you have any main health complaints that are outside of my scope or area of expertise, I will happily refer you to a colleague I am confident in (whether you live in BC or another province/country).
And lastly: mamas, please know—you’re not alone. You’ve got this.
